I have spent the past two weeks laying low. Gathering courage, time and trying to find a voice amid the shock. God called home two that I have known in the past few days. The first, an aunt, who passed away in the lofty Himalayas while enjoying a vacation. The second, a devoted father to one of my oldest friends. She was a fabulous dancer, he was a barbecue pro. She was stylish, he always wore a broad, gentle smile. She worked to rehabilitate the mentally ill, devoting all her time to caring and encouraging those less privileged than her. He was fulfilling a heavenly calling by serving in Liberia, assisting with strengthening hospital systems.
And I sit here. Groaning. Discontent. Worried.
Dreading the drudgery of the next day. Of a few hours spent sitting at a computer. Can I curl up and go to sleep, God?
I am ashamed to even type this out. But I mutter under my breath all day. Wait for the ticking clock to send me back home. Wishing hours away, waiting for the next *BIG* thing.
Then, I read these lovely words today.
I want to really live.
I want an intentional, purpose- fueled life.
And I realize that a full life isn’t measured in how many years you have lived, how loud you have been or how your treasures stack up on earth.
I want to stop running away. From feelings, challenges and the fear of the unknown.
I may have lost two people I knew, but their lives have caused so many to gain.
When I fold my hands in prayer, I will refrain from asking why He took them, and instead be thankful that He sent them to us.
To serve in a fallen world.
To echo his love and bring Him glory.
I want to live like my Messiah. Like they did.
I want to live by these holy words: For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Phil 1:21