Currently {Volume 3}

 

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Thinking about: The beautiful gift of communion. My weekend was filled with lovely things (buying cupcakes at a park with my two lovely cousin sisters, hanging out with my mamma, long overdue skype conversations with friends who live (toooo) far away), allowing me to engage and reconnect with beautiful people. I am convinced that God is at the heart of all of these relationships and I am so grateful to have a wonderful group of lovely people in my life.

Reading: Graceful and The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk. I loved reading regularly immensely through college but sadly, allowed distractions to get in the way after so I am glad that I am consciously making time to read more.

Loving: This AWESOME bible study. I am also loving that I got to work super early today to get a head start on work and writing and I am glad that my week is starting off on a great note! 🙂

Looking forward to: Planning a great vacation with one of my friends from graduate school whom I haven’t seen in 3 years! Also, cleaning my room and organizing my closet so that I can de-clutter and donate.

 

Linking up with amamacollective!

A Mama Collective

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Five Minute Friday {Change}

I always thought of myself as a root.

These are things I like, people I love, places I feel comfortable. And I had heard it so many times. “Who likes change?” So I planted myself in a zone of complacency.

Eventually I grew unsettled. Bored. Too comfortable.

Our God never changes. That is soul comfort. But really that is the only comfort we should allow.

Because us, us he thrusts into a world that rotates and never remains still, where seasons change and tempers fly and hugs don’t last forever. A temporary world. One that is never my home.

So I must change too. Because it is then that I grow.

And I get it now, I am a flower that sways and fades and glows and bends.

And my unchanging God, his Word of life, they are my roots.

The way I change, my response and acceptance of that change is a testament to my strong, unfailing root.

 

Linking up with Five Minute Friday http://katemotaung.com/2014/08/21/five-minute-friday-change/.

A letter to my younger self

 

My lovely girl,

I see you hiding between the pages of a book. This sanctuary will become your strength and your fuel for the future.

I wish that you would stop living in fear of being invisible, of unanswered questions. I wish that I could hold you and tell you that you are beautiful, that you are more than your identity of a fair-skinned tamilian sticking out like a sore thumb. That you will grow into your big nose and they will hold up your the spectacles you have always wanted to wear.

Despite your inability to grasp math, you will gradually accept that you are intelligent and creative and slightly abstract.

I admire your resilience, your ability to keep your head up even though you are breaking inside years later. When your worst fears are realized. You know where your strength comes from and you don’t take it for granted. I hope that you never lose  this quality.

You are restless and that’s alright. You will know that it’s because you were made for more discovery, adventure and risk.

I hope that you learn to forgive yourself, that it’s important to take care of yourself and laugh deep belly laughs more often.

There’s one thing I would like you to remember and I think it’s something you are slowly learning: each day brings with it new challenges {yes, more} but with it infinitely more grace {yep, unbelievable blessings}.

So hold on, stand fast. There are great and wonderful things ahead. And everything you carry/ have carried will serve you well on this journey.

What People Say…

I recently enjoyed a fun weekend at a reunion of my mother’s classmates from many decades ago. Today, on social media, a not-so-flattering picture of mine surfaced. I stood awkward, hunched with my photo-face and straggly hair.

Around mid-afternoon, a friend of mine texted that a friend of hers called to find out “what happened to me” why I looked so old (or some equivalent of that word).

And I stared at my screen, wounded. People can take a frozen memory and cut your heart with it for no real reason. Sometimes these people are your most trusted friends.

This is just a little example, but I have heard friends and family constantly doubting themselves because of somebody’s words, opinions or actions directed toward them.

What is is with relationships these days? Women choosing to break each other down instead of working to break them free. Women constantly comparing, criticizing, name-calling, judging instead of acccepting, appreciating, encouraging, loving and uplifting?

As I prayed at my desk at work, I felt unsettled and defensive. This is why I had built walls, shielded myself from people who I thought could hurt me and thought I chose my friends carefully. And yet I was here again, hurting because of something that someone I care about said to me.

I know it isnt true and that I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Ps 139:14). That is the truth and nobody can change it, not even me.

Still it pinches the corners of my heart.

I heard in an interview, someone famous saying that sometimes the people closest to you can be the most dangerous.

How, God? How do I form mutually beneficial, rich, loving relationships without ever getting hurt?

The answer stings. You can’t.

I want to cry, but even more I want to understand.

Sin. It was born of broken trust. Resulted in shame. Marred a relationship.
But God redeemed.
Even Jesus was betrayed. By one of his own.
Still Jesus gave his life to save.

If people don’t hurt you, how can you show them the face of God? How then will you practise humility, peace, forgiveness and recieve grace?

That doesnt mean you wont feel hurt, betrayed, angry and upset.

When Adam and Eve disobeyed God, it hurt him. It pained him that they questioned his love for them.
Jesus hurt too. {He wept, remember?}

Your feelings are beautiful, integral parts of who you are.

Place them first at the foot of the cross. Cast your burdens into the arms of the One who is strong enough {not to mention, One who adores you!} to comfort you.

Let your expression of these feelings reveal who you are called to reflect.

Of course, we all fall short. Lucky for us, God is generous in granting grace.

What to live for

So, there is this advertisement. With a tagline that makes me and my closest friends cringe.

“Live for likes”

This is how the world has turned.

This is what is fed to our generation and the ones after us.

It makes my soul ache and my blood boil.

Whom do we blame? The company that propagates this pursuit for self-glorification?
Or the consumers that lap it up eager?

How did we get so delusional?

How did we slip back into the sin of crafting idols for ourselves?

When did we think it good and pure and holy to seek worth in affirmation from peers, family and lovers?

It all boils down to this.

We use a toothpick to measure the limitless God that is ours.

It will never be enough.

Living for likes is living in exhaustion.

Why settle for human ‘likes’ when you are LOVED by an omnipotent, magnificent, all-encompassing God?

Do not spend your energy on gaining approval or admiration from the world. For it will rise and set like the sun and the moon.

Instead, start being saved in the heart of God.

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You were never meant to live a life of confinement, God sent Jesus to set you free.

And that means free from the approval of others, social media butterfly status and “living for likes”

Amen.

A while ago, I struggled with people thrusting their judgement of me in my face. I was constantly told hurtful things ; that I was selfish then too giving, had too much of an attitude, was a pushover, was not enough, too independent.

At the time, I allowed these words to pierce me. I should have trusted that my identity was secure in Christ.

Then I read this lovely, God-given blessing. (Review later this week)

This book found its way into my life at exactly the right time and I can guarantee it will enrich your life and redefine a healthy sense of self-esteem.

Linking up with God’s wonderful daughters here.

Running Away

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I have spent the past two weeks laying low. Gathering courage, time and trying to find a voice amid the shock. God called home two that I have known in the past few days. The first, an aunt, who passed away in the lofty Himalayas while enjoying a vacation. The second, a devoted father to one of my oldest friends. She was a fabulous dancer, he was a barbecue pro. She was stylish, he always wore a broad, gentle smile. She worked to rehabilitate the mentally ill, devoting all her time to caring and encouraging those less privileged than her. He was fulfilling a heavenly calling by serving in Liberia, assisting with strengthening hospital systems.

And I sit here. Groaning. Discontent. Worried.

Dreading the drudgery of the next day. Of a few hours spent sitting at a computer. Can I curl up and go to sleep, God?

I am ashamed to even type this out. But I mutter under my breath all day. Wait for the ticking clock to send me back home. Wishing hours away, waiting for the next *BIG* thing.

Then, I read these lovely words today.

I want to really live.

I want an intentional, purpose- fueled life.

And I realize that a full life isn’t measured in how many years you have lived, how loud you have been or how your treasures stack up on earth.

I want to stop running away. From feelings, challenges and the fear of the unknown.

I may have lost two people I knew, but their lives have caused so many to gain.

When I fold my hands in prayer, I will refrain from asking why He took them, and instead be thankful that He sent them to us.
To serve in a fallen world.
To echo his love and bring Him glory.

I want to live like my Messiah. Like they did.

I want to live by these holy words: For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. Phil 1:21