The print is large, celebratory. I pretend that I don’t see it. Everybody at home ignores it, but I hear muffled voices wishing theirs when I’m not around.
Yes, it stings.
That he just kept walking, built walls, a new home, and a new life.
Leaving a surname that anchors heavy and boils with unanswered questions.
How do you celebrate something you don’t have? When the whole earth stands together in gratitude for the blessing you can’t see?
You don’t get used to it. Even when the waves of full years have carried you far away from the shore of memories.
It’s not easy to live without a Father, I admit. With reminders popping up while filling forms, dreams of your wedding day, in books, movies and the countless stories of people you know and love.
I have hurled the question ‘Why me?’ in anger, when I should have asked this of God in humility. “Why me?” Why did you pick me to inherit your kingdom? Of all the billion people in the world chose me to clothe, feed, bless, love.
There are a million things I do not know, and might never find out. There are things I will live without, but I have come to believe that what I have in God is enough.
If you were born to fathers who don’t see you, love you, validate you or hold you, be strong.
If death has separated your father from you, take heart.
God sees your aching heart. He knows your pain. If you have made it or you are trying to, know that God is on your side. You are strong, brave and determined, chosen by the King. There is One who will not leave you. Who will cross over with you to the other life- a Father for all time.
Believe that your true creator, the lover of your soul adores you to pieces, watches you tirelessly and is constantly by your side. This He has promised. Where your earthly father has fallen short, your Heavenly Father stands magnified.
You can celebrate. Everyday. You belong to the King. You are His child.